You flare your nostrils and let off a small snort, proclaiming your mounting displeasure to all present.\n\n[[Stand up and brush yourself off.|Foyer]]\n\n[[Continue sitting.|Still Sitting]]\n
You let out a brief but powerful yawp, and resume your onslaught of villainous emissions with an intensity you had not heretofore known yourself capable of. Oh yes, this staircase is receiving quite the tongue-lashing today!\n\n[[Swoon from exhaustion.|Swooned]]\n
Before even you are able to extricate yourself from the staircase's cruel serrations, your mouth opens, and you find yourself shocked to hear a continuous stream of harsh obloquies emerging therefrom. Your eyes widen as your mind begins to parse the string of ungenteel utterances, many possessed of a commonality entirely foreign to your well-bred ear.\n\n[[Tighten your lips, aghast.|Hushed]]\n\n[[Yield to the indecorous impulse.|More Berating]]\n
You have stubbornly (and rather childishly, if I may be so bold) planted yourself on the floor of the great foyer. Undeterred by the fact that there continues to be no-one about to take note of your fit of choler, you cross your arms and wait.<<set $sat = 1>>\n\n[[Stand up and brush yourself off.|Foyer]]\n\n[[Continue sitting.|Still Sitting]]\n
Determinedly, you pick yourself up, straighten your waistcoat, and once again prepare to ascend.\n\n[[Climb the stairs again.|Climbing]]\n\n[[Think better of it.|Foyer]]\n
You clap a hand over your mouth, shocked at the arrant vileness of the affronts you just now let fly. Mortified, you cast about the foyer, but there remains no-one to be seen.\n\n[[Compose yourself.|Foyer]]\n
Your words slur and sputter, and the foyer dims and skews at a most curious angle. Your head lolls back as you faint from the exertion of your outburst.\n\n''BERATE END''
You crease your brow ever so slightly more, further evidencing your vexation.\n\n[[Stand up and brush yourself off.|Foyer]]\n\n[[Continue sitting.|Sitting, cont'd]]\n
You have arrived at your long-lost uncle's luxuriant country home. The front door stands slightly ajar, and a faint light can be seen within.\n\n[[Enter.|Foyer]]\n
\n<<set $rand = Math.floor(Math.random() * 3)>>\n\n<<if $rand eq 0>>\n[[1. Stand up and brush yourself off.|durmart]]\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $rand eq 1>>\n[[2. Stand up and brush yourself off.|sdfasmart]]\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $rand eq 2>>\n[[3. Stand up and brush yourself off.|sadfmart]]\n<<endif>>\n
As you set you right foot upon the first tread of the staircase, you glance down to admire its excellent craftsmanship and rich Spanish mahogany. Fascinated, you overbalance yourself and come crashing down upon the stairs. Your jaw takes the brunt of the impact, and clamps down rather nastily upon your tongue.\n\nYou seem to be in quite a bit of pain.\n\n[[Berate the stairs.|Berating the stairs]]\n\n[[Grit your teeth and continue climbing.|Climbing, again]]\n
Berate the Stairs
You stand in the foyer of your long-lost uncle's luxuriant country home. No-one seems to be about. A broad staircase with a beautiful, ornate wrought iron bannister stands to your right, inviting you to climb it.\n\n[[Climb the stairs.|Climbing]]\n\n[[Sit on the floor.|Sitting]]\n
by Rutherford Thomas Sixenhaus, esq.